There are numerous problems with getting old. The most obvious one is that every time you go to sleep at night you're one day closer to the end. Now that's a sobering thought.
Another problem with aging is that to postpone the inevitable ending (see above), you have to safeguard your health. Young people can eat, drink, smoke, carry on with lowlifes, and do all the things that make life interesting for young people. They're young, and at a stage where they figure they'll be around forever. At least that's how I was as a younger man, and the same was true for the members of my gang. Safeguarding your health is not at the top of the priority list, unless you're some kind of athlete. Even then you have to wonder, seeing how many pro athletes get themselves into unhealthy situations.
For those of us on the north end of middle age, protecting our health involves submitting to all kinds of indignities. Guys over 50 with enlarged prostate glands will know what I mean.
Today, I get to experience another in a long series of physical violations: the colonoscopy examination. My doctor has been recommending this at my annual exam for several years, and I've procrastinated, but finally, the day of reckoning has arrived.
The process actually started two days ago, with a list of dietary restrictions. Basically, water, broth, and popsicles. And I couldn't even eat the red popsicles. Bummer !
In addition to the virtual fasting, they gave me some pills and a bottle of fizzy citrus-flavored crap that were supposed to facilitate the cleansing of my system. I'll just say it worked and leave it at that. This morning, I was literally 4 pounds lighter than at the same time yesterday.
Anyway, in an hour I'll be at the clinic. Gang members who've already gone through the ordeal tell me it isn't so bad. Miracles of modern sedation and all.
Will return this evening to continue on this topic, unless I don't survive. In which case, it's been a good life, and happy trails to you !
6:00 PM, same day: I'm happy to report that colonoscopies are nothing to fear.
Today, I signed in at the clinic at 1:05 PM, and was shown in for the prep work within a few minutes. The RN was a lovely, charming young lady named Angie. She was sweet as can be, and laughed at all my jokes. Turns out this sweet thing is the daughter of some folks my wife knew at her former church, and Angie knew both my son and daughter. Gave us something to chat about.
The doctor who was performing the exam got delayed at another mercy mission, so I wound up waiting around for 30-40 minutes, with the usual assortment of tubes, clips, cuffs and cables attached to my arms and hands. About 2:30 the doc showed up. He told me to roll onto my left side, which I did.
The next thing I knew, the exam was over, and everything in the region under consideration looks fine and dandy. All factors considered, I've spent afternoons doing worse things.
I've had a couple of doctors recommend that I take the colonscrappy, crappy, whatever exam. Won't do it.
ReplyDeleteI will not go through that indignity, take all that system flushing crap, have some sadist poke a prod up my ass then tell me everything's okay. Nope, won't do it.
I'll wait till something else tells me there's a malfunction happening. Then I'll look into the colonthingy.
I, too, have had the colonoscopy experience. It was partially because of Katie Curac's campaign after her husband died needlessly...and partially because my doctor was claiming that reaching the half-century mark was the line of demarcation between youth, health and stupid denial.
ReplyDeleteSo I drank that stuff - but it was the small bottle. It went down fast. I wish now I had taken the time to weigh myself afterwards, too, because I might have been at my thinnest in a decade and missed the chance to ego trip for a day...but that is typical of me. Short attention span. Typical "I" personality in the DISC Personality Profile.
Anyway, the up side of this test is that if it turns out negative, you have another decade before you have to go through it again. It was so easy that I would do it every year if I had to, though. My only complaint was that the drugs wore off so fast. ha ha(But that is another story, too! As an example: The up side of carotid artery surgery is the drug induced euphoria that the doctors demand you experience for a week or so post-surgery. Some people would not like it, but being a child of the 60s - it was like a legal flashback of my partially misspent youth. Not that I was a junky, but I had a couple of "highs" that were as close to Divine Revelation as I have ever been - and which made me a better person, I still believe. Maybe I would have found enlightenment one day anyway, but the "mescal" gave it a push to the forefront.)
I suppose that this is TMI. Not all stories have a bad ending, thankfully. Maybe I was prudent in that I only experimented with danger on rare occasions. Or not.I also flew hot air balloons. That appears to be an excitement junky's life style, too.
I will never know exactly when that "Hell's not hot" attitude left my soul. Maybe it was when I got to where I could not stand on my head any longer (which was past 40)...but somewhere along the way, I realized that if I break a hip, it might not mend right. So I don't climb on ladders anymore.
Time and life are a gift. Treasuring the reality of how wonderful life is when things are going relatively right is powerful stuff.
So here's to your good health! I am gald to hear it all came out alright. (Pun intended.) Sorry - couldn't resist it.
seebee
I wonder how you get spell-check to work on this thing.
ReplyDeleteGald? Hello! ha ha
I always find the typos when the send button has been hit.
And I was carefyl, oot.