Settling on price

I expect most people have heard some variation of one of my favorite jokes. It goes something like this. An attractive young woman is having a martini at a bar when a gentleman, obviously wealthy, takes a seat beside her. They eventually strike up a conversation, and after they've talked awhile the gentleman asks the young lady, "Would you consider spending the night with me for one million dollars ?"

She thinks it over a moment then answers. "Yes, I would."

He: "Well, would you sleep with me for ten dollars ?"

She (outraged): "Of course not. What do you think I am ?"

He: "We've already established what you are. Now we're merely haggling over price."

That classic oldie always comes to mind when I think about American politics. I firmly believe politicians are essentially prostitutes, except they're selling political influence rather than sexual favors. But with extremely rare exceptions, they're all for sale. It's the nature of the political process, and needs to be accepted for what it is.

Prostitutes have traditionally occupied a niche in the cultural imagery of film and literature. In movies, we've watched beautiful, sophisticated call girls like Elizabeth Taylor in Butterfield 8 and Jane Fonda in Klute. Lovely and charming streetwalkers like Shirley MacLaine in Irma La Douce. That's the movies, though. In real life there are plenty of whores that, putting it politely, lack star quality. We see their pictures in newspapers and magazines but they're rarely portrayed on movie screens, and then only in the grittiest R-rated pictures.

Some politicians are like Liz Taylor. You know what they are but you don't care. They have so much star quality that you'll overlook the requirements of their profession. Others are like trashy old sluts, painted up, stinking of sweat and gin, and sagging in all the wrong places.

In my opinion, Ace McCain in 2000 was Liz Taylor in Butterfield 8. This year he's just another fading old harlot practically giving it away. What a difference eight years makes in the life of a whore.